Zip It!

It amazes me how careless and thoughtless, some folk are when speaking to a widow!  A dear friend who is grieving the very recent loss of her husband, today shared with me some of the heartless and crude words of advice, she is expected to accept –  such as:

It is time you stopped crying

Stop expecting to be coddled

So are you crying because you miss Ron, or just because you’re feeling sorry for yourself

I was horrified and angry, when I read these suggestions and others that are even more repugnant – advice from people she knows – showing that people can be so shallow and callous.

I can remember being told, ‘To get on with my life’, after the loss of my first husband and again, after the deaths of my father and later my mother. I thought that was exactly what I was doing at the time, but I was obviously not performing in a way that was acceptable to the speaker of those unkind, harsh words.

If you have never experienced the death of someone you loved dearly, then may I respectfully suggest that you say nothing at all, if you cannot say anything kind or caring or inoffensive.  It is deeply hurtful when you are in mourning and it is NOT acceptable, in any way, shape or form – in other words – any of you who can identify with speaking without thinking – ZIP IT!  It is only when you have experienced the deep emotional pain, that the loss of a loved one brings that you can truly understand the roller-coaster grieving ‘ride’ that you have to endure – it is not made any easier when folk who give (hopefully) well-intentioned advice without first considering if they are words they would like to hear, if they were in that position.  I think not!

Let the widows and widowers cry until there are no more tears left!  That’s the cathartic effect that hastens the healing of a broken heart – stop feeling that you need to tell anyone who is hurting how to ‘get over it’ – your advice is not wanted or needed – thank you!

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